


Better Social Groove Thing

by Bonnie (CatsAndHounds)



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Drunkenness, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 23:29:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5645749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatsAndHounds/pseuds/Bonnie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>3:42 AM politics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better Social Groove Thing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Wilgram (CatsAndHounds)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatsAndHounds/gifts).



Britta is drunk.

Not that this unusual, noteworthy, or anything other than the average Thursday --...Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday, let’s be real-- night, but she feels that this is really important information to have. She is drunk, and sad, and so she kinda feels like maybe she can be forgiven for some of the things she’s saying. Not that she needs to be forgiven because they are _the truth_ , but just in case anyone’s panties are in a twist, Britta is drunk. She owns this, okay?

“Look,” she tells Annie, leaning close to make sure she’s heard and also because, whoops, yeah, balance is not working. And Annie is like, solid as a rock. Probably because six years still hasn’t removed that stick up her ass. “Look, Annie. Here’s the thing. Look.”

“Oh, I am, Britta,” Annie says. She’s got that Annie voice going. Everyone knows the Annie voice. It’s synemomus with ‘judgey.’ “I’m also _listening_ , Britta.”

“Listening? Yeah, you should do that, too.”

“You can’t even say ‘synonymous’,” Annie says.

“Did I say that out loud?” Britta asks, laughing. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Annie. Did I say the stick up your ass thing out loud, too?”

“You did now.”

“Hey, it’s cool! It’s all cool, Annie. You wouldn’t be Annie if you weren’t all Annie and I love you anyway, Annie. _How’s Annie_ , huh?”

“What?”

“Ugh. You’re too young. Why are you still like, so much younger than me?”

“Because that’s how time works, Britta: relatively,” Annie says, and she’s getting pretty handsy with the whole grabby thing.

“Whoa, Annie, you’re like, my friend and all but--”

“I’m reminding myself that. Can you stand up or is that outside your skillset right now?”

“Why you gotta be like that? I can stand. I just choose not to.”

“Britta, your couch is just over here. If you can just--”

“Freedom of choice, Annie. I am pro-choice, goddamnit. Stay out of my uterus.”

“Oh my god, Abed! Will you come help me, please?” Annie says, and like a total jerk she lets go of Britta. Britta thunks back against the wall and slides down it.

“No,” Abed calls from somewhere that isn’t here.

“ _Why_?” Annie asks, all fake sweet.

“I did it all last time. She grabbed my butt. I have a girlfriend, Annie. I can’t have other people grabbing my butt.”

Annie stomps like a little girl. Britta goes “shhhhh” at her.

“Well, I can’t lift her on my own.”

“Leave her where she is.”

“She’s blocking the path to the door, Abed. What if there’s a fire, huh?”

“We’ll take the window.”

Annie makes a frustrated squeaking noise she probably thinks is a growl. Britta reaches out and pats her knee through her pajamas.

“It’s okay, Annie. It’s okay.”

“Oh my god, Britta. Why do you keep doing this?”

“Patting you? I’m trying to you know, show sympathy, Ungrateful ...Kate… ful.”

“I mean the drinking, Britta,” Annie says, and she drops down to sit in front of Britta crosslegged, kindergarten share time. “Believe me, I know unhealthy subst--”

“Oh my god, we get it! You had a breakdown when you were a teenager. Stop going on and on about it.”

Annie stands up, like, super quickly, and leaves the room. Like, super quickly. Britta is impressed.

“Wow, you’re like, that speeding guy, Annie!” she calls out towards Annie’s shut door. “Hey Abed, who’s that speeding guy?”

“The Flash?”

“No! The other one.”

“Quicksilver?”

“No!”

“Kid Flash, Impulse, Speed--”

“No!”

“--Sonic the Hedgehog, Dash from the Incredibles, ...Daphne Milbrook? She’s a she but--”

“I don’t know these people, Abed! The mouse guy!”

“Speedy Gonzalez?”

“Yes! Him. Yes. Annie is like that.” Britta can do references, too.

Abed opens his bedroom door --that’s where he’s been hiding-- and sticks just his head out. “Probably because you belittled an event that temporarily ruined her life. It’s also the foundational backstory element that led to her coming to Greendale, adding an overachieving character to the group when by all means, someone like that had no business being in a school like--”

“I didn’t belittle her!”

Abed makes a disagreeing noise. Britta closes her eyes and tries very hard to think about what she just said. She’s not totally, like, all photo-memory about it right now, but she’s pretty sure she didn’t do any belittling.

“That wasn’t, no. No,” Britta says, eyes still closed. “I’m not _saying_ that like, it wasn’t bad that Annie had a crazy time, right? I’m saying it’s just not a big deal. Right? I mean. Everybody does stupid things when they’re teenagers, okay? It’s not a big deal. Annie needs to forgive herself.”

“I have forgiven myself, Britta!” Annie says, and she too opens her door to stick her head out, so Britta’s just talking to a couple of heads. “That was part of the program.”

“Then why you gotta--”

“Because you’re drinking a lot, and when you were off in your own crappy apartment, no one had to see, but now that you’re here we do see, and I’m just _trying_ to offer some support.”

“Support! Yes, that’s what I was saying. That’s what I’ve been trying to say since I got here, doofus.”

“What?”

“Like, look, Annie. Look. We need more support from the government and from society. We are human beings and we are owed the interpersonal--”

“Oh my god, she’s doing drunken politics again, Abed.”

“--assistance and better… thing, the better social thing? You have better social groove--”

“I’m putting headphones on,” Abed says, and he closes his door on Britta and the welfare of humankind.

“Annie, no, wait!” Britta says before Annie abandons morality and compassion, too. “I need you!” Britta points like Uncle Sam. “I want you, I mean.”

“Britta, you _need_ to sleep and then to take a break from drinking. Like, a long one. At least until the next election is over.”

“That’s not gonna happen, Annie. I’m not gonna get through the next election unless I can drink.”

Annie makes a face. It’s not actually a mad face, which is good. It’s a sad one. “Which isn’t good but it’s you know, appropriate to the circumstances of the _human race_ \--”

“Britta?”

“Yes, Annie?”

“Goodnight,” Annie says, and she closes her door on human decency.

“I’m gonna remember you did this, Annie!”

“Probably not, Britta!”

Britta blows a raspberry at Annie’s door. She is totally gonna remember.

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is a pinch hit! You did such a great job, Wil, that you deserve something until your original author shows back up.
> 
> Written for :  
> Drunken Communist Angst, though even I'm not totally sure what political affiliation Britta is recommending here.


End file.
